Our therapists provide couples & marriage counseling in Chicago, IL

Logan: My go-to approach for helping people in couples/marriage counseling is the Gottman Method. I prefer this approach because it is rooted in extensive research on what makes relationships succeed or fail. The Gottman Method focuses on enhancing friendship, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning in relationships. I find the structured assessment tools provided by the Gottman Method particularly beneficial, as they help identify specific areas of strength and areas for growth in the relationship. By teaching couples practical skills for communication, conflict resolution, and building trust and intimacy, the Gottman Method equips them with the tools they need to navigate challenges and strengthen their bond. Additionally, the Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of rituals of connection and fostering positive interactions to nurture the friendship at the core of the relationship. Overall, the Gottman Method offers a comprehensive and evidence-based approach to couples therapy that can help couples build a more satisfying and enduring relationship.

Devon: My go-to approach for helping people in couples/marriage counseling is the Gottman Method, paired with elements of emotionally focused therapy (EFT) and communication skills training. I prefer this approach because it is highly structured, research-based, and provides couples with practical tools they can begin using right away.

Logan: I teach the following tools in couples/marriage counseling using the Gottman Method:

• The Sound Relationship House: This metaphorical “house” represents the elements necessary for a healthy relationship, including building love maps, sharing fondness and admiration, turning towards each other, managing conflict, making life dreams come true, creating shared meaning, and establishing trust.
• The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: These are communication patterns that can predict the end of a relationship if left unchecked. They include criticism (attacking one's partner's character), contempt (expressing superiority or disdain), defensiveness (denying responsibility or making excuses), and stonewalling (withdrawing or shutting down emotionally).
• Repair attempts: Repair attempts are efforts made by one or both partners to de-escalate tension or conflict during a discussion. They can include humor, affectionate gestures, or acknowledging one's role in the conflict.
• Softened startup: This communication technique involves bringing up issues or complaints in a gentle, non-critical manner, which increases the likelihood of a productive conversation and decreases defensiveness.
• Accepting influence: Partners learn to listen to and consider each other's perspectives and preferences, even when they disagree. Accepting influence fosters compromise and collaboration, strengthening the relationship.
• Turning towards: Partners practice actively engaging with each other's bids for attention, affection, or connection. This involves responding positively to each other's attempts to connect, fostering emotional intimacy and connection.
• Love maps: Couples deepen their understanding of each other's inner worlds, including their likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Love maps help partners stay connected and engaged in each other's lives.
• Conflict management skills: Couples learn constructive ways to manage conflicts, including taking breaks when tensions escalate, using “I” statements to express feelings, and engaging in active listening and empathy to understand each other's perspectives.

Devon: "I teach the following tools in couples/marriage counseling:

• The Four Horsemen & Antidotes (Gottman Method) – Helping couples identify harmful communication patterns (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling) and replace them with healthier alternatives.
• Daily check-ins – A short, structured time each day where each partner shares one positive about the other and something about their day, fostering connection and appreciation.
• Speaker-Listener Technique – A structured way of communicating where one partner speaks while the other actively listens and reflects back, reducing misunderstandings.
• Conflict management skills – Learning to approach disagreements with curiosity and compromise rather than escalation or avoidance.
• Building love maps (Gottman Method) – Deepening understanding of each partner’s inner world (values, dreams, stressors, hopes) to strengthen intimacy and connection.
• Emotion regulation strategies – Tools for calming down during conflict, taking breaks, and re-engaging with more balance and clarity.
• Problem-solving & compromise – Breaking down issues into manageable parts, focusing on solvable problems, and finding middle ground.
• Strengthening friendship & fondness – Encouraging couples to express appreciation, affection, and admiration to reinforce the positive foundation of the relationship.
• Shared meaning & vision – Helping couples explore shared goals, traditions, and values to align their lives and feel united in purpose.

Logan: I know a client is making meaningful progress in couples/marriage counseling when several key indicators aligned with the Gottman Method are observed. Firstly, there is a noticeable decrease in the presence and intensity of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—during conflict discussions. Instead, partners demonstrate greater awareness of these destructive communication patterns and actively work to replace them with healthier alternatives.Additionally, there is an increase in the frequency and effectiveness of repair attempts made by both partners during conflicts. Repair attempts, such as using humor, showing affection, or taking responsibility for one's part in the conflict, help to de-escalate tensions and foster a sense of connection and understanding between partners.Furthermore, partners demonstrate improved communication skills, including the ability to engage in softened startups, accept influence from each other, and turn towards each other's bids for attention and connection. These communication skills promote empathy, validation, and emotional intimacy, laying the foundation for a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship.Moreover, there is evidence of couples successfully implementing Gottman Method interventions and tools in their daily interactions outside of therapy sessions. Partners report feeling more connected, supported, and appreciated by each other, leading to an overall improvement in relationship satisfaction and well-being.Ultimately, meaningful progress in couples/marriage counseling using the Gottman Method is characterized by a reduction in destructive communication patterns, an increase in positive interactions and repair attempts, improved communication and conflict management skills, and a greater sense of connection and intimacy between partners.

Devon: "I know a client is making meaningful progress in couples/marriage counseling when I see partners beginning to shift from defensiveness and conflict toward curiosity, empathy, and teamwork. Some signs of progress include:

• Improved communication – Partners listen to understand rather than react, and they begin using tools like the ""Speaker-Listener Technique"" or the “Four Horsemen Antidotes.”
• Greater emotional awareness – Each partner can recognize and express their own feelings and needs more clearly, while also being more open to their partner’s perspective.
• Reduction in negative cycles – Conflicts are less frequent, less intense, or are resolved more quickly without lingering resentment.
• Increase in positive interactions – Couples share more appreciation, affection, humor, and small acts of kindness in their daily lives.
• Ability to self-regulate during conflict – Partners notice when they’re becoming overwhelmed, take breaks when needed, and return to the discussion more calmly.

Logan: Clients can supplement their time in couples/marriage counseling with various activities and practices aligned with the Gottman Method to enhance their progress and reinforce therapeutic gains. They can engage in regular discussions with their partner using Gottman's tools and techniques learned in therapy sessions, such as the softened startup or accepting influence. These discussions can focus on exploring each other's perspectives, needs, and feelings, fostering empathy, understanding, and connection between partners.Clients can also practice active listening and communication skills outside of therapy sessions by setting aside dedicated time for meaningful conversations with their partner. They can use Gottman's communication exercises, such as the “Love Map” or “Dreams Within Conflict” cards, to deepen their understanding of each other's inner worlds and strengthen their emotional bond.The use of Gottman's conflict management strategies in their daily interactions with their partner, such as taking breaks when tensions escalate, using “I” statements to express feelings, and engaging in collaborative problem-solving, can be beneficial as well. They can also make conscious efforts to recognize and address the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—when they arise, promoting healthier and more constructive conflict resolution.Clients may prioritize quality time together and engage in activities that promote positive interactions and shared experiences, such as date nights, shared hobbies, or weekend getaways. These activities help couples build fondness and admiration for each other, strengthen their friendship, and create cherished memories that contribute to a resilient and fulfilling relationship.Ultimately, by actively engaging in these supplemental activities and practices outside of therapy sessions, clients can reinforce the skills and principles learned in couples/marriage counseling, deepen their emotional connection with their partner, and promote long-term relationship satisfaction and stability.

Devon: "Clients can supplement their time in couples/marriage counseling with intentional practices that strengthen connection and reinforce the skills learned in session. Some helpful examples include:

• Daily check-ins – Spending 5-10 minutes each day sharing one positive about each other and something meaningful about their day.
• Practicing communication tools – Using the ""Speaker-Listener Technique,"" “I” statements, and active listening outside of sessions.
• Conflict time-outs – Agreeing to pause heated arguments when emotions run high and returning to the conversation with calmer perspectives.
• Shared activities – Engaging in hobbies, problem-solving tasks, or goals that foster teamwork and enjoyment.
• Individual self-care – Each partner tending to their own mental and emotional well-being so they can show up fully in the relationship.

Logan: To prepare for your first couples/marriage counseling session using the Gottman Method, you can take several steps to ensure a productive and meaningful experience. Firstly, take some time to reflect on your relationship and identify specific areas of concern or issues you would like to address in therapy. Consider what you hope to achieve from counseling and any goals you have for improving your relationship.Next, discuss with your partner the importance of attending counseling together and the commitment required to actively participate in the process. It's essential to approach counseling with an open mind and a willingness to engage in self-reflection and growth.Additionally, familiarize yourself with the Gottman Method and its core principles, such as the Sound Relationship House Theory, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and the importance of bids for connection and emotional responsiveness. This will help you understand the framework and goals of therapy and empower you to actively participate in the process.Before your first session, consider jotting down any questions, concerns, or topics you would like to discuss with the therapist. Having a list of talking points can help you stay focused and make the most of your time in therapy.Finally, create a supportive and conducive environment for your counseling sessions. Choose a comfortable and private space where you and your partner can engage in open and honest dialogue without distractions or interruptions.By proactively preparing for your first couples/marriage counseling session in this way, you can set a positive tone for your therapeutic journey and maximize the potential for meaningful progress and growth in your relationship.

Devon: "To prepare for your first couples/marriage counseling session, you can take some intentional steps to set the stage for progress:

• Talk with your partner about your hopes for counseling – Share what each of you would like to get out of the process, even if your goals are different.
• Reflect on your relationship patterns – Think about recurring conflicts, strengths, and times when the relationship felt at its best.
• Identify key concerns – Consider the issues you most want to address (communication, trust, intimacy, parenting, finances, etc.).
• Be open to both perspectives – Enter the process ready to listen to your partner’s experiences, even if they differ from your own.
• Set realistic expectations – Understand that progress takes time and effort from both partners; counseling is not a quick fix.
• Commit to honesty and vulnerability – The more transparent and genuine you are, the more effective sessions will be.
• Plan for a supportive mindset – Approach the first session with curiosity and willingness rather than blame or defensiveness.