Our therapists provide couples & marriage counseling in Toms River, NJ

My go-to approach for helping people in couples/marriage counseling is emotion-focused therapy. Through EFT, couples are able to identify destructive patterns that become a barrier to them and hinder their ability to grow and bond. Being able to identify the barriers that keep us apart allows us to heal and progress in a healthy manner.

My go-to approach for helping people in couples/marriage counseling is to focus on the feelings and meaning of events instead of the details. I find the best benefit in this because it allows for the partners in the couple to better understand each other and get to this understanding faster.

Some of the tools that I teach in couples/marriage counseling are:

• Communication skills: Knowing what to say and how to say it is an essential element of a relationship. This begins with active listening, giving your partner your full attention, and knowing how to respond appropriately.
• Parenting skills: Becoming parents is the most important job that you will ever do, yet there is no experience required. Raising children is a major stressor in a relationship. Knowing how to work together so that you're on the same page is key to effective parenting.
• Conflict resolution: Finding ways to agree on subjects that you find hard to agree on is very difficult. It begins with identifying areas where you agree and finding ways to understand, respect, and validate your partner's ideas. Then, you must strive to find a middle ground where you can both agree while understanding that compromise is not always a negative thing.

I teach the following tools in couples/marriage counseling:

• “I” statements: These are statements that help to place emphasis on your own feelings without blaming or shaming your partner.
• Developing empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another person—in this case, your partner.
• Validation: Validation is accepting your partner's feelings and thoughts and how these impact their reality. Validation is, perhaps, the key component of a relationship. Another way to think of validation is “feeling heard.”

Clients will tell you they are making meaningful progress without saying a word. When counseling first begins, couples are sitting as far away from each other as possible. As they begin to progress you can see their body language change towards each other. They begin smiling more, communicating more meaningfully, hearing each other, and sitting closer together. This is a clear sign that they are clearly moving towards a more meaningful relationship.

I know a client is making meaningful progress in couples/marriage counseling when that person is able to effectively validate and empathize with their partner. These skills, in conjunction with the appropriate use of “I” statements, are foundational in the improvement of relationships.

Clients can supplement their time in couples/marriage counseling by spending quality time together. Reading a book together, taking a walk, riding bikes, jigsaw puzzles, or even putting LEGOs together are all good activities. Doing anything that is non-threatening, yet allows you to spend quality time together, only enhances the counseling experience.

Clients can supplement their time in couples/marriage counseling by continuing the conversations discussed in sessions at home while using and practicing the skills learned. It is important that couples practice these skills when they are out of the office and are in the real world.

Going into your first couples/marriage counseling session, be prepared to invest in your relationship. Enter with an open mind and hope for the future. Be prepared to let go of the challenges of the past and recognize that we all play a part in this relationship. While it took time for you to get where you are, it will be worth the time invested to begin moving forward.

To prepare for your first couples/marriage counseling session, you should work with your partner to determine what your goals are in regard to counseling. Be able to answer the question, “What does not needing marriage counseling anymore look like?” It is also important to come to the first session with an open mind and willingness to hear your partner's true feelings.