Our therapists provide couples & marriage counseling in Charleston, SC

My go-to approach for helping those seeking couples/marriage counseling is to find out what motivated them to make the initial appointment and to understand their individual and shared goals for therapy. I find great benefit in taking this a step further by looking more closely at the four foundations of a successful relationship: communication, friendship, intimacy, and shared values. During intake, or as a take-home exercise, both individuals will complete a short survey that we will go over together in the first session. I make sure to inform them that even if the scores are low, that does not mean they will fail — they are in counseling after all! We will look at the lower scores and practice communicating to their partner what they could be doing more/less of for that number to increase. I also enjoy providing individualized methods, practices, and tools to use outside of the office. I will also explore their attachment styles together, with the shared goal of forming a secure attachment with healthy communication, respect, and enjoying spending time with their partner.

My go-to approach for helping people in couples/marriage counseling is establishing boundaries within communication to process your partner’s thoughts and feelings to inappropriate reactions and comments. I find the best benefit in establishing boundaries because it helps partners establish foundations to address disagreements and resolve issues that occur.

I teach clients “communication 101,” where we practice active listening and asking clarifying questions to our partner. Too often we mind-read, make assumptions, and react or respond to our partner as if our interpretation was fact. I also enjoy teaching partners how to be on the same “team,” parenting skills, reconnection, and how to validate our partner's feelings even when we do not agree. My 24-hour rule to build trust is also often used. This is where one person can call the other out for shutting down, or for being too reactive during a “hot topic” conversation. The partners will agree to table the conversation for now but choose an exact time (i.e. 3:30 pm) that is within 24 hours. Anxious-attached partners will be happy that this will be addressed the next day, avoidant-attached partners will be happy that they have more time to think about what to say, and things will inevitably be calmer at that time. This is also a simple way to build trust when both partners show up at the agreed-upon time.

I teach the following tools in couples/marriage counseling:

• Ask clarifying questions and do not assume
• Identify boundaries when communicating in distress, irritation, and/or anger
• Learn partner's communication style
• Develop comfortability with partner's vulnerability

I know that a client is making meaningful progress in couples/marriage counseling when they are able to share how they have been using therapy tools at home and are able to compliment their partner on the progress they have seen in them as well. I look for my clients to validate their partner's opinions and feelings respectfully, even if they do not agree. I observe the clients being more kind to one another and reporting back on good memories/quality time being prioritized again. The best couples are those that can problem solve together, without combat.

I know a client is making meaningful progress in couples/marriage counseling when there are more small gestures of appreciation within the day-to-day routine to decrease stressors for their partner and/or increase motivation.

Clients can supplement their time in couples/marriage counseling with individual therapy. Many couples come into relationships with relational trauma from the past and/or other unresolved personal traumas. While we will be able to address these in some form during our time together, couples counseling will be focused mostly on the goals of the two of them as a couple. Many couples report significant progress in their partners when they are attending individual therapy on the side. I also always bring up self-care outside of counseling. Self-care is very important for any relationship. Having individual, healthy hobbies and activities and socializing outside of just the marriage or relationship is important.

Clients can supplement their time in couples/marriage counseling by continuing to date each other and engage in activities together to see how you and your partner are changing in the process. Dating and doing activities together gives you motivation to continue working on current issues and remind yourself of the relationship you can have.

To prepare for your first couples/marriage counseling session, you can begin thinking about what goals you hope to work toward throughout our time together. If comfortable at this stage, you can also talk to your partner about their goals, and see if there are some shared goals you both want to be sure to share with me. After we go over the background information during the intake session, we will discuss what motivated you both to make and attend the session, take a look at what has been going on, and address what you both want to see change or improve. I will save the initial goals in your secure chart, and we will look back at them from time to time to see our progress.

To prepare for your first couples/marriage counseling session, you can provide grace to each other to express thoughts and feelings in a safe space to address root issues. The first session can come with nervousness and uncertainty about how your partner will respond. Give each other the chance to identify concerns to know where to start to improve.