The 3 types of empathy–and why knowing them can transform your relationships

What Is Empathy?

Empathy is your ability to sense, interpret, and connect with another person’s thoughts or emotions. You step outside of your own experience to try to understand, validate, and offer support for someone else’s.

“If a friend is grieving, for example, empathy means you’re listening carefully to their experience,

acknowledging their feelings, and providing comfort that shows you understand their pain,” explains Natalia Piszczek, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks. “You’re right there with them, feeling what they feel.”

Researchers believe our brains are hardwired to respond to others’ suffering. One report likens empathy to “an emotional bridge” because it allows you to perceive and resonate with what another person is going through, and that often translates to being more likely to help the people you’re close to (as well as your greater community, which helps societies thrive).

Empathy, sympathy, and compassion are often used interchangeably, but they’re more like cousins instead of triplets. While each is a response to others’ distress, they emerge from distinct corners of your psyche and involve different levels of interaction with another person, Piszczek says.

Empathy vs. Sympathy: What’s the Difference?

Sympathy means you’re projecting your feelings (like sadness or pity) onto another person’s experience, rather than absorbing their emotions. You’re feeling for someone rather than feeling with someone.

The biggest difference between empathy and sympathy is that sympathy is a more “detached response,” Piszczek says. “You care, but you don’t quite feel what they feel or try to truly understand their experience.” 

For example, when a friend loses a parent, you express sympathy when you say, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” You’re letting them know that you feel bad about their situation, but you aren’t deeply exploring what it’s like to be them in that moment. For example, you may assume your friend is just sad, but they may be more angry, anxious, or numb instead. 

Empathy and Compassion: How They Connect

Compassion is empathy paired with meaningful action. You feel another person’s emotions so profoundly that you’re motivated to do something to help alleviate their suffering. 

Here’s an example of how empathy and compassion go hand in hand: If a colleague tells you they’re overwhelmed with work, you may empathize with how stress can take a toll mentally and physically. Then, showing compassion may look like offering to take on a task to help them meet a big deadline, Piszczek says.

What Is an Empath? 

An empath is a person who has the capacity and willingness to soak up and marinate in how another person is thinking or feeling, Cromer says. They’re highly sensitive, instinctual, and deeply in sync with others’ emotional states. 

There’s some science behind this: We all have “mirror neurons,” a type of brain cell that responds equally when we perform an action and when we witness someone else perform the same action. For example, you see a woman taste an unusual food and nearly gag in disgust. Suddenly, your own stomach turns at the thought of eating it.

Empaths are thought to have mirror neurons that fire more strongly compared to the average person, so when they see someone going through tough emotions, they tend to feel the same energy.

The 3 Main Types of Empathy

Different types of empathy help us connect with people in different ways. Here’s how researchers categorize the core three, and how they can show up in your everyday interactions with people.

1. Cognitive Empathy

Cognitive empathy, also called perspective taking or empathic accuracy, means you recognize and appreciate the “why” behind a person’s thoughts or feelings, even if you don’t align with those thoughts or tap into the emotions yourself. “It’s about seeing things from their perspective,” Piszczek says.

Consider politics, a charged subject for a lot of people. When you don’t share the same worldview as your parents, for example, practicing cognitive empathy means you can still listen to their beliefs and logically put the pieces together of why they voted for a certain candidate. This leads to, “I can see how you got there” or “I understand why you think that way,” Cromer explains.

2. Emotional Empathy

Emotional empathy, also called affective empathy, means you’re mirroring another person’s emotional energy. You show solidarity for their experience by feeling what they’re feeling, allowing yourself to “sit in that space with them,” Cromer says. 

For example, when a friend is grappling with the loss of their home after a natural disaster, the weight of their sadness may crush you too. “You’re not just aware of their grief, but you’re emotionally connected to it,” Piszczek explains, even if you’ve never been in that predicament.

3. Compassionate Empathy

Compassionate empathy is rooted in a desire to help. Your empathy for someone inspires you to take action to positively change their experience or ease the burden of their distressing or overwhelming situation. “It’s not just about recognizing someone’s emotional state but also wanting to do something about it,” Piszczek says. 

This type of empathy helps us identify with our own humanity. As the authors of one 2017 paper write, “It has been theorized that feeling moved motivates individuals to act communally, share, and care.”

For example, when a friend is suddenly diagnosed with cancer, you may picture what it would be like if you were in their position and then feel compelled to offer support—say, by bringing them a home cooked meal or offering to drive them to medical appointments—to help ease some of their stress, anxiety, or fear.

Other Types of Empathy Worth Knowing

Empathy is a complex phenomenon. Beyond the core three types, scientists suspect it can manifest in other ways, but more research is needed to uncover the full scope of how we experience it. Here are two additional types of empathy worth noting:

• Somatic empathy is a physical reaction to another person’s pain, sorrow, heartbreak, or other emotions. The phrase “secondhand embarrassment” is a great example. When someone is blushing and clearly self-conscious, you may also feel your face flush or your gut flip due to the discomfort. Research on this type of empathy is limited, but some scientists theorize that mirror neurons play a role here.
• Dark empathy means a person is skilled at reading others’ emotions but uses this knowledge to gaslight, manipulate, deceive, and otherwise get what they want out of you.

The Benefits of Empathy for Your Mental Health and Relationships

Empathy can permeate nearly every aspect of your life, because your interactions with people (strangers included!) are a driving force behind your day-to-day. Whether you’re in a work meeting, making small talk with a barista, catching up with your mom on the phone, or recapping your day with your partner, being empathetic encourages you to be sensitive and supportive, which puts you and the person you’re connecting with in a healthier mental space.

The Benefits of Empathy

The benefits of empathy run the gamut, but here are some of primary ways experts say it can improve your life and the lives of others:

1. Strengthens relationships.

Empathy builds trust, creates a safe environment for deeper communication, and helps you solve problems because you better understand what a friend, colleague, sibling, or partner needs.

2. Reduces unconscious bias.

One study found that simply imagining yourself in another person’s situation—say, what a person of color is thinking or feeling when being discriminated against—can reduce prejudice and racism you’re not always aware of.

3. Fosters kindness and inclusivity.

Research shows that kids who are taught the basics of empathy are less likely to be aggressive and bully others. One simple way to practice this as a parent: Read books to your children and actively discuss the characters in the story. Ask them how they think the characters feel, why the characters may have behaved a certain way, and what they think could happen in the next page or chapter.

4. Promotes generosity.

Studies suggest that feeling empathetic encourages you to lend a helping hand, even toward strangers. “It gives us a sense of purpose,” Piszczek says. “By supporting others, we create a more compassionate world.”

5. Supports happiness.

Caring about how other people feel can also make you feel good. Empathy can help you make and keep friends, boost satisfaction in intimate partnerships, reduce stress at work and home, and encourage you to show up for your community—all of which contribute to a meaningful and fulfilling life.

How Empathy Makes You a Better Communicator 

Empathy encourages you to listen intently and respond thoughtfully, whether you’re having a tense exchange with your partner or trying to tease out why a friend hasn’t been responding to your messages. When you keep the other person’s feelings top of mind, you’re less likely to jump to conclusions or make assumptions, so you’ll have an easier time avoiding misunderstandings and resolving conflicts, Piszczek says.

You’re also more likely to create a space where you both feel heard, respected, and supported, paving a path for healthier and more productive conversations. “When we practice empathy, we go beyond just hearing words,” Piszczek says. “We pay attention to the feelings and needs driving those words.”

Empathy’s Role in Mental Well-Being

Empathy is a key player in your mental health because it helps you understand your own feelings. When you think about what others are going through, you’ll realize you’re not alone when you’re also coping with stress, anxiety, depression, or other difficult emotions. That simple reminder can make these challenges a little easier to handle, Piszczek says. 

Plus, when empathy sparks compassion, that snowballs into actions that make you feel less isolated, like you’re part of something bigger. Consider volunteering, which often stems from feeling empathy for people in need: Studies show that assisting a food bank or helping clean up your local park, for example, can increase your happiness and satisfaction in life while also tamping down feelings of depression, stress, and burnout.

5 Simple Ways to Develop and Strengthen Your Empathy

Building your bandwidth to feel for others is like building muscle. Finding the exercises that work for you and then doing them consistently can help you increase your empathy. Here are a few simple strategies to start with, according to experts: 

1. Genuinely listen when someone talks to you.

“We’re all guilty of being in a conversation and not really taking in what the other person is saying,” Cromer says. Practice active listening, which means listening to understand, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Make eye contact, nod, or offer occasional responses like “I see” or “I understand” to help the other person feel heard, Piszczek adds.

2. Slip into their shoes.

If you don’t understand someone’s point of view or why they’re expressing themselves a certain way, ask yourself, “What might they be going through?” or “How would I feel if I were in their position?” Do your best to imagine what they’re experiencing.

3. Put a human face on complex issues.

When social or political problems feel distant or overwhelming, focusing on the personal stories of those affected can deepen your understanding. Instead of just reading names or statistics, look for photos or videos of real people. Listen to firsthand accounts through interviews or event coverage, and ask yourself: What emotions might this person be feeling? What does their daily life look like? By making their struggles tangible and relatable, you foster genuine empathy.

4. Avoid trying to “fix.”

When someone is opening up to you, create a comfortable space for their vulnerability. “Instead of criticizing or offering solutions right away, just allow the person to express themselves freely,” Piszczek says.

5. Ask more questions.

Embrace curiosity over jumping to conclusions, Cromer suggests. If your partner forgets to take the trash out, for example, don’t assume they don’t care about helping around the house. Instead, let them know that you noticed and ask why it slipped their mind. Maybe they didn’t sleep well the night before and then had a hectic day at work, an explanation that may fuel compassion instead of conflict.

Can You Be Too Empathetic? 

Yes, it’s possible to be too empathetic, and empaths in particular tend to struggle with this. Constantly filling your cup with others’ heavy emotions can be a lot of weight to carry, both Cromer and Piszczek agree. You may start to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and burnt out if you’re not careful about building boundaries that protect your time and energy. Simply put, it can be a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply.

Expert’s Final Note (The TL;DR)

Being an empathetic person is worth the work, Cromer says. It means you can jump into another person’s internal world and respond with care and compassion. Being open can be uncomfortable at first, but with a little practice and a lot of honest conversations, doing your best to understand how other people may feel and think helps you show up for them and yourself.