If you struggle with feeling lonely when you’re single, take a deep look within and find fulfillment in yourself

I entered my first real relationship in the 7th grade (I know—young) and stayed in this relationship until my freshman year of college. I’ll do the math for you: this relationship took up roughly six years of my life. In other words, at the age of 18, I had spent a third of my life with someone else. As you can probably imagine, this had some tough implications on my life moving forward without him—the most important being that I didn’t know how to function as a singular entity.

When you’re with someone for that long, you can forget how to live alone and that there’s life outside of romance. And those crippling feelings of loneliness creep in real fast. I struggled with these feelings off and on for about four years. And sometimes I still sense them lurking in the balance, but now I know how to resolve them.

Do you struggle with feeling lonely? To help, we spoke to a few mental health professionals to help explain what really works in overcoming these lonely feelings and being happy alone.

What is Romantic Loneliness 

Romantic loneliness refers to a feeling of longing or emptiness one might experience when they are not in a romantic relationship. It can also refer to loneliness due to a lack of emotional intimacy within an existing romantic relationship. If you are experiencing romantic loneliness, you might have feelings of sadness, isolation, and unfulfillment because your desire for a deep, loving connection with a romantic partner is not being met. Romantic loneliness is a common experience, especially during periods of singlehood or when a relationship is not fulfilling. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and explore ways to address them. 

8 Tips to Stop Feeling Lonely When You’re Single

If you’ve been single for a while, or freshly out of a relationship, feelings of loneliness are to be expected and are normal. One comforting sentiment to remember can be that you are not alone in feeling alone. Here are a few ways to manage loneliness when you are single. 

1) Reflect on past relationships.

Karen Koenig, a licensed clinical social worker, suggests looking back at past relationships. “If loneliness is of the deeper, existential kind, it often makes a person feel not only unloved but unlovable and longing for belonging. In this case, they will need to reflect on their early attachments,” she explains. “Were they secure or insecure? Did they cause anxiety or a sense of trust and intimacy? If only another person fills the void inside them, they will need to learn how to be enough for themselves or they will never feel secure because they’ll always be afraid of losing someone.”

2) Engage in hobbies and enjoyable activities.

Another simple, yet effective tip is to spend time doing what you truly enjoy doing—even if you don’t think you feel up for it. “Engage in activities you know you find enjoyable or rewarding, even if you don’t feel like doing those things at the moment,” says Dominique Talley, mental health therapist, and wellness blogger. “Loneliness comes from feeling isolated and unfulfilled, and often, people who feel lonely get caught up making a habit of doing things that keep those patterns of isolation and loneliness going (such as turning down invitations to go out with friends, etc.). Think of the activities and people that have brought you joy and enriched your life in the past. And make an effort to include more of those in your life if you’re feeling lonely. It may be difficult at first to muster any excitement about those previously-enjoyed activities, but if you can force yourself to engage in those activities (or with those people) even when it’s the last thing you feel like doing, soon enough you will start to find yourself enjoying those activities/people.”

3) Build stronger connections with friends.

It’ll also help to focus your attention on the other connections in your life—romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that matter, you know! “Humans need connection and in order to connect, we have to practice being vulnerable and sharing our real selves with those we can trust,” Julie Bjelland, licensed marriage and family therapist explains. “Start to build closer friendships and spend time with others who enjoy some of the same things you do and give yourself time to connect. Having one or two connections that can be deeper is more important for many than having several more surface-level friendships.”

4) Consider adding a pet to your life 

If your lifestyle allows for it, health and wellness expert Caleb Backe says getting a pet can provide a sense of purpose and help you feel less isolated when you are single. “Inviting a living creature into your home (particularly a cat or dog) can make a big difference in your daily life and your mood. It is someone to play with, talk to, take care of, and yeah—it can help you meet other pet owners, too. Bonus!” A dog, for example, may prompt you to take more walks and be outdoors. Having a pet can even help integrate you into more communities, like at dog parks  and animal daycares. A loyal companion who is available for unconditional love can help combat feelings of loneliness and provide you with purpose—they need you to care for them! You might even consider getting an emotional support animal (ESA), which legally must be prescribed by a mental health professional, according to the American Kennel Club. 

5) Explore the perks of being single.

While being single may feel like a negative at first, put some effort into exploring all the good that comes with being single. “Remember, there are many advantages to being single,” says Backe. “Explore them! Develop a skill, take on a hobby, reshape your body, enhance your mind. The possibilities are endless.” When you’re single, your time is your own, and you can shape your life around your own goals and priorities. Get to know yourself better and become the person you want to be. When the next relationship opportunity comes along, whether that’s a new friend or a romantic partner, you’ll be better equipped to build healthy bonds based on mutual understanding. 

6) Practice mindfulness and meditation.

Feeling lonely due to being single can, in part, be because you have lost your sense of self. If you had been partnered for a long time, your identity may have become entwined with your ex’s, and it can be difficult to untangle and re-center. Practicing mindfulness and meditation can be grounding and help you foster better self-awareness and inner peace. These practices encourage you to focus on the present moment, helping you to find contentment within yourself and easing the need for external validation or for a partner to make you feel whole. 

7) Set and pursue personal goals.

If you are feeling lonely and single, simply staying busy can help. Take advantage of any new time or space you might have, and think about channeling your energy into something productive, like learning a new skill or working toward a goal. Whether it’s learning to cook, doing something to advance your career, or taking on a hobby like painting, focusing on your personal development can be a great way to achieve a sense of purpose and combat feelings of romantic loneliness. 

8) Make a to-do list for your heart.

Consult your heart and make a to-do list for living compassionately. Susan Shumsky, an award-winning author of 14 self-help books, will guide you through the process: “In order for you to overcome loneliness, begin by doing what I call the Unlimited Thinking Exercise. Take out a piece of paper and a pen. Make a list of what you would do with your life, day by day, if you had unlimited time, unlimited resources, unlimited money, unlimited helpers, unlimited energy, unlimited stamina, unlimited health, unlimited longevity, unlimited access, unlimited optimism, unlimited courage, and an unlimited support system. Please don’t write what you would buy. Instead, write how you would spend your time. Take 15 minutes to write this list. Then, when you’re done, read it over. This valuable document can be your to-do list to fulfill your heart’s desires and live in alignment with your true passions. Make a clear and final decision to manifest at least one goal on your list, and begin taking baby steps now.”

And remember—if you’re feeling lonely, these sensations won’t last forever. If you’re able to explore the positives of being alone and focusing on yourself, your next relationship will be even more fulfilling.

Why Do I Feel Lonely Without a Partner 

Feeling lonely without a partner can stem from various factors, including societal expectations, emotional needs, and personal history. Here are a few reasons why you might be feeling romantically lonely. 

• Social pressure: Our society values romantic relationships and places high value on them in our music, movies, writing, and more. Our society is highly couple-centric, and it may feel like there are activities you can’t participate in without a partner, leading to feelings of romantic loneliness. 
• Emotional connection: A romantic partner can provide deep emotional connection that friends and family sometimes can’t. That type of emotional connection can help you feel less alone in the world, and it is totally normal to miss it and feel lonely when that type of emotional connection is not available to you. 
• Sense of belonging: Being in a relationship can give you a strong sense of belonging and identity, especially if most other people in your social circle and family are partnered. When you’re single, you might feel that you don’t quite fit in with people in your life anymore, which can lead to feelings of loneliness.
• Cultural norms: Many cultures emphasize the importance of finding a partner and settling down. This can create a sense of urgency or inadequacy if you’re single, leading to feelings of loneliness.

The Bottom Line 

It is normal to struggle with feeling lonely when you’re single. It’s natural to wonder, “Why can’t I be alone without a man?” or to wonder why you feel lonely without a girlfriend or a partner. The first step is to recognize that fulfillment and happiness can be found within yourself, independent of a relationship. To help you along your journey, try reflecting on past attachments, engaging in activities that bring you joy, building stronger connections with friends and family, and exploring the perks of being single. Ultimately, focusing on personal growth can transform feelings of romantic loneliness into opportunities for self-discovery and empowerment. If you are struggling with feelings of being lonely when you’re single, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional.