We have very low standards. The amount of proof you’ll need to submit in order to earn the grant will eliminate most people. Beyond that, you must only possess a desire to send your child to college.

Nothing. Grouspawn’s dating service, like love, is literally worthless.

No problem! They can attend college through a complicated scheme in which they pretend to be one person.

You might, but only if they used a Groupon on their very first date and they have a way to prove it.

Our crack team of nosy researchers will investigate if you have, in fact, gestated a true Grouspawn. This may include talking to friends and family, delving into your personal life, and taking samples of fluids you didn’t even know you had. By the time your spawn turns 18, college will cost a million dollars a second and will be located inside the moon, so it’s worth it.

Fill out this form. You and your co-spawner must have used a Groupon on your first date and must prove it with a multitude of evidence: a photo taken with a newspaper with a date on it, testimonials, credit-card statements, blogs, etc.

Today is a beautiful day and I am super excited!