Explore next steps to improve your mental health. 
No matter how “perfectly matched” you are, no two people are exactly the same. We all bring our own unique wants, needs, and beliefs into a relationship. That’s a good thing—our differences are what make relationships exciting and meaningful. But it also means figuring out how to truly care for and support your partner can be hard. What really matters to them? What communication style brings you closer, and what pushes you apart?
Whether you’re tackling big questions like these or simply surprising your partner with their favorite coffee, making an effort to build and maintain your bond is important at every stage of a relationship. What’s the best way to do that? That’s where our experts come in.
We’ve curated the very best relationship advice from more than 20 seasoned mental health professionals. Below, you’ll find practical tips on communicating more effectively, managing emotions in healthy ways, and other proven strategies to help you strengthen your connection.
1. Don’t just hear your partner, truly listen to them.
Hearing is passive—it’s words entering your ears. Listening, on the other hand, requires effort. It’s being present, tuning in, and actually absorbing what your partner is trying to communicate. It involves asking questions and making an effort to gain clarity.
Many conflicts in relationships don’t come from disagreement but from feeling unheard. When partners take the time to really listen—not just wait for their turn to respond or assume they already know what’s being said—it builds patience. And when patience is there, respect follows, because both people feel valued and understood. If you want a stronger connection, start here: Don’t just hear each other, listen.
– Caitlin Opland, Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Thriveworks
2. Ask yourself: Do I need to be hugged, heard, or helped?
Sometimes you don’t want your partner to “fix” things or offer solutions, you just want them to give you their attention and listen. However, you can’t expect them to know which thing to do unless you communicate.
Learning to identify and communicate what you need gives both you and your partner a playbook for how to help. Breaking it down into smaller options (physical comfort, emotional comfort/reassurance, or advice) can alleviate some of the overwhelming feelings that sometimes impact relationships. It’s also important to reciprocate that behavior and ask your partner what they need.
– Hallie Kritsas, Licensed Mental Health Counselor at Thriveworks
3. Assume good intent.
If your partner leaves a dish on the counter, it’s easy to assume they’re being careless or inconsiderate. But what if you assume they simply got distracted and meant to come back? Your reaction will likely be much kinder.
When we’re hurt or angry, it’s natural to interpret our partner’s actions in the worst possible light—especially during conflict. But remembering that your partner is on your side and wants the relationship to be healthy and happy can help you respond with more patience and understanding.
– Cindy Johnson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Thriveworks
4. Start and end the day in a positive, loving way.
Esther Perel, the renowned psychotherapist and bestselling author of “Mating in Captivity,” emphasizes that daily transitions—when you leave home and return—can define a relationship’s emotional climate. A simple “I love you” as you walk out the door or “I missed you today” upon reuniting creates moments of intentional connection.
These rituals anchor partners in shared goodwill, counteracting the grind of daily stressors. By prioritizing these bookends, you build a foundation of appreciation that helps weather conflicts and maintain intimacy.
– Jenelle Thompson-Keene, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor at Thriveworks
5. Nurture connections outside of your romantic relationship.
Don’t rely on your partner for all of your emotional support. This is especially important for men, who are often socialized to allow vulnerability only within the safe confines of a romantic relationship. Instead, make more friends and deepen those friendships. Consider going to therapy or joining a support group.
By expanding where you feel safe to be open, your relationship will become stronger and healthier.
– Jeremy Mohler, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
6. Voice what’s really on your mind.
Holding back your true thoughts, feelings, or desires is the quickest way to build resentment and erode intimacy. Stop assuming your partner can read your mind. Stop waiting for the “right time” to speak up. Speak honestly and openly-clarity and connection come from being real, not just being nice.
– Vasavi Kumar, Licensed Master Social Worker and author of “Say It Out Loud”
7. Validate your partner’s experiences.
When you validate your partner, they feel heard, seen, and valued. This creates emotional safety, which is essential for healthy communication. For example, if your partner comes home after a long day and says they’re tired, a validating response might be, “It sounds like you had a long day. Is there anything I can do to help you relax?”
In contrast, an invalidating response would be, “What do you have to be tired from? It’s not like you were saving the world by answering emails.”
One response invites your partner in, while the other dismisses their feelings and contributions, making them feel undervalued.
– Courtney Council, Licensed Mental Health Counselor at Thriveworks
8. Do sweat the small stuff.
The morning coffee you bring your partner, the thoughtful gesture of grabbing their favorite snack at the store, the daily check-ins asking, “How was your day?”, and those small touches: the gentle pat on the back, the quick hug in the kitchen.
These seemingly minor acts of care are daily deposits into your relationship. Over time, they compound into deeper connection, trust, and happiness. Think of them as the steady heartbeat of a thriving partnership.
– Dr. Elisabeth Crain, Psychologist
9. Stop trying to “figure it all out” and just show up.
After nearly a decade of working with couples—and through my own marriage—I’ve seen the biggest challenge is when we overthink, overdo, and try too hard to solve everything. Instead, be fully present in the moment. Look at the person you love and simply be with them-in their struggles, their pain, their love, and their joy. Show up! That’s where connection truly happens.
– Eli Weinstein, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and host of The Dude Therapist podcast
10. Know that true partnership means sharing the load, even when it’s uneven.
The effort each person puts into the relationship won’t always be balanced-life’s messiness makes perfect fairness impossible. Some weeks, you’ll need to lean on your partner for physical, emotional, or mental support. This might look like them taking on extra chores, spending more time with the kids, or going out of their way to lift you up. Other times, you’ll need to do the same for them.
It’s not about keeping score. It’s about lightening each other’s loads and leaning in when the weight feels too heavy.
– Dr. Sharika McFadden, Licensed Professional Counselor at Thriveworks
11. Don’t delay hard conversations.
Many believe that postponing difficult conversations keeps the peace, but it often does the opposite. Avoiding these talks creates invisible tension and emotional distance that can quietly grow until the gap becomes too wide to bridge-and much harder to repair.
– Kit Morgan, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and founder of The Liberated Porch
12. Never stop “getting to know” your partner.
At the start of a relationship, curiosity comes naturally—we actively learn about each other’s inner worlds. But over time, we often assume we’ve uncovered everything there is to know. The truth? There’s always more to discover.
By staying curious, you nurture intimacy and gain insight into your partner’s perspective. This helps you navigate conflicts with greater care, understanding, and connection.
– Saba Harouni Lurie, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Board-Certified Art Therapist
13. When your partner pushes you away, question it (and hold them close).
Our need for connection lasts a lifetime. During moments of distress, partners often push each other away when what they truly crave is closeness. Recognize that beneath these behaviors lies a deep longing for safety and connection. Respond with compassion, empathy, and reassurance—not distance.
– Jacob Glose, Licensed Professional Counselor at Thriveworks
14. Do things for your partner because you want to, not because you have to.
Acting out of obligation breeds resentment. When you choose to show care because you genuinely want to—not because you feel required to—it transforms how you approach your relationship. This shift from duty to desire strengthens connection and keeps love intentional.
– Dr. Dana McNeil, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Psychologist
15. Make it clear that being vulnerable isn’t just OK, it’s encouraged.
In any healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise, creating a space where both partners feel safe to express themselves honestly without fear of judgment is essential. When partners can meet each other’s vulnerabilities with kindness, the relationship can become a secure space for both people to grow and face challenges together. This breeds trust and builds connection.
– Brittney Cobb-Farmer, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
16. Create the interactions you desire.
This means using what you know about yourself—your needs, dreams, and expectations—to honestly communicate what you want from your relationship. Too often, we chase relationships shaped by media ideals or family expectations. But their vision can’t replace your own.
By having regular, open conversations about where you are and where you want to go, you’ll build something stronger: a partnership true to who you are, both individually and together.
– Dr. Donna Oriowo, Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and author of “Drink Water and Mind Your Business: A Black Woman’s Guide to Unlearning the BS and Healing Your Self-Esteem”
17. Embrace your differences.
Understanding how your partner thinks, processes emotions, and communicates differently from you helps manage expectations. It prevents misinterpreting their actions and reveals the unique ways they show love. I’ve found that true acceptance of these differences—not just awareness—is what fosters a resilient, healthy relationship.
– Beth Gulotta, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and host of the Quiet the Clock podcast
18. Use “I” statements to improve communication.
This technique is especially helpful when discussing feelings or concerns. By focusing on your own emotions rather than assigning blame, you reduce defensiveness and foster mutual understanding.
For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” which can sound accusatory, try “I feel unheard when I share my thoughts, and it leaves me feeling disconnected.” This shift keeps the focus on your experience, making it easier for your partner to respond with empathy.
– Monica Cwynar, Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Thriveworks
19. Resentment is poisonous. Don’t let a paper cut become an open wound.
When you feel upset, hurt, or angry, address it immediately—don’t let those feelings fester. Avoiding tough conversations or letting issues simmer allows resentment to grow and spread like an untreated wound. Prioritize open communication: Make a conscious effort to process hurt feelings and resolve misunderstandings before they escalate.
– Leah Aguirre, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
20. Remember who you feel in love with and why.
When you are throwing around blame and anger, take a minute to ask yourself: What is my goal here? Am I helping us work this out?
– Nona Kelly, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Thriveworks
21. Learn to recognize and regulate your emotions for a stronger relationship foundation.
Developing emotional intelligence is transformative. It means recognizing and understanding your own feelings (and others’), practicing empathy, identifying your triggers, and clearly communicating your needs. It also helps you set healthy boundaries and protect your emotional well-being.
Try this: When you feel a strong emotional reaction, pause and ask: “What am I feeling? What caused this? Have I felt this way before? Are these situations connected?”
When both partners cultivate emotional intelligence, they gain clarity about who they are and what they need-laying the foundation for a healthy, secure attachment.
– Tori-Lyn Mills, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor at Thriveworks
